"Write lyrics to a song called 'The Atheist.'"
Submissions are due 06 December at 12:00 A.M. Holiday extension.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
1. Gabriel Reynolds
jonahman999: hey sup
fishxforxlife: hey nm how bout u
jonahman999: i got a problem dude
fishxforxlife: lol wuts up
jonahman999: im stuck in a fuckin whale
fishxforxlife: dude
fishxforxlife: u r joking
jonahman999: no for real
fishxforxlife: lol man
jonahman999: it swallowed me
jonahman999: whole
fishxforxlife: u r pullin my leg 4 sure
jonahman999: i swear to his holiness
jonahman999: goddam truth
fishxforxlife: man
fishxforxlife: crazy
fishxforxlife: cant believe u get wifi
jonahman999: i now man im suprisd to
fishxforxlife: well
fishxforxlife: im no good with whales
fishxforxlife: just fish
jonahman999: duuuuuuude
jonahman999: please
jonahman999: just cast a fuckn net
jonahman999: ur my guy man
fishxforxlife: that just wont hapen
fishxforxlife: its ridiculs
jonahman999: please
jonahman999: im hungry
fishxforxlife: so was the whale
fishxforxlife: LOL
jonahman999: fuk u dude
singal lost
signal restored
fishxforxlife: dude lost u there
jonahman999: sry
jonahman999: blowhole closed
fishxforxlife: ur funny
jonahman999: IM NOT JOKIN
fishxforxlife: sure
jonahman999: rly
fishxforxlife: whatev
fishxforxlife: gotta go
fishxforxlife: sacrifice lamb for lord b4 din
jonahman999: jesus
jonahman999: please
fishxforxlife: just pray dude
fishxforxlife: always wrks 4 me
fishxforxlife: well sometimes
fishxforxlife: cya
jonahman999: DUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDEEEEE
fishxforxlife has signed off
1. Gregory M.
Dust settled in the wake of a tall and thin man as he stepped inland from the Jordan River. He wore fringed robes of linen and a complacent expression as he crossed the sun-baked earth. A close friend of his who was called John had just been brutally killed and he had come to the riverside for solitude. “The trials of this earth,” he thought, “are just that: of this earth. I must channel myself toward benevolence, even now.”
Jesus of Nazareth could be seen approaching from the riverside as he emerged from behind the riverbank. The crowd offered an endearing cheer as he drew closer, and their faces grew eager. The crowd did not move to surround Jesus, but allowed him to surround himself by it. Jesus gestured politely as he passed through the mass of his followers, and he seated himself on a stone near the center of the crowd. There he sat undisturbed for many hours, having requested a time for reflection. After the sun had set, a man rose from the crowd and approached Jesus of Nazareth.
“This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late,” He said. “Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves food.” The man spoke directly into Jesus’ ear, but all nearby could hear.
“They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”
“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” offered a woman from the crowd.
“Bring them here to me,” answered Jesus of Nazareth.
Jesus of Nazareth gestured for those around him, who had begun to approach anxiously, to sit and wait. He grasped the basket of bread and the basket of fish and lifted them skyward. He tilted his head back and his lips moved faintly for a few seconds. His unkempt beard betrayed a slight breeze. He replaced the baskets on the ground and motioned for those in the crowd to approach. Women came first, then children. Men waited for their wives to return. Each follower took half a loaf of bread from one basket and a cut a slice of fish from the other. Jesus of Nazareth smiled and focused on the horizon on the river as the entire crowd ate.
“Stop.”
The screen froze bearing the image of a contented Jesus Christ standing beside two baskets full of bread and fish.
“And we’re sure this is that old?”
“Yes, we’re sure. The tape itself required weeks of blind-reconstructive work in order to be digitized and replayed. As I mentioned, it was found by my team in a cave in southwestern Lebanon. The Lebanese government had just green-lighted the cave for international excavation.”
The professor stood bewildered, transfixed by the image burning itself on the screen and into his mind. “These guys are the best,” he thought, “and the tape withstood their tests.”
“We don’t expect you to mandate what we do with it, professor, but we needed to consult you.” The excavation crew’s leader seemed emotionally separated from the situation.
The professor gathered himself slowly, then managed: “This will cause more trouble than it will resolve, but we don’t have a choice.”
1. Nixon Ball
God Knew Them All
“Joe, what are we going to do?” she inquired desperately.
“I don’t know, but they will stone you to death if it is discovered you are with child out of wedlock,” responded Joseph contemplating their options.
One night of passion and Galilean wine had brought them into potentially fatal predicament. Joseph knew that they had to conceal Mary’s pregnancy until after they were married. But how could they explain the child’s birth only 6 months after their marriage? Besides it would be impossible to hide the pregnancy from Mary’s father, an angry but devoutly religious man. If he found out, he would surely be the first to cast a stone against his daughter. The predicament had found the couple in a desperate place, searching for a way out of the terrifying consequences of their sinful actions.
Then, as Mary lay in her bed one night, she was struck by an idea, as if it had come to her in a dream. Mary had heard stories that the Roman soldiers and tax collectors had brought with them Galilee. She heard of a woman named Rhea Silva who, after finding herself in a predicament similar to Mary’s, had saved her life by claiming the pagan god Mars was the child’s father. The next morning Mary shared her scheme with Joseph, who thought it was so crazy, it just might work.
So the couple agreed that Mary would tell her father, while Joseph would pretend to not believe the story until one of God’s angels “visited” him in a dream. And so on the same day that Augustus Caesar decreed a census should be taken of all Roman lands, Mary told her father that she had been impregnated, not through sexual intercourse, but rather by the God of the Israelites. This virgin pregnancy was part of God’s plan to save the world, which he in his omnipotence could only do by sending his son (as a mortal man) to Earth.
Mary’s father sat calmly and patiently while Mary relayed the story of an angel named Gabriel coming to her and informing her of God’s plan. Just as she was finishing explaining that the child should be named Jesus, Joseph came bursting into the house. Joseph then proceeded to recount his encounter with a different angel who had told him to forgive Mary, and help raise God’s child.
“Father, tell me that you feel I speak the truth,” pleaded Mary at her father’s feet.
“Yes my daughter, I don’t believe that you would lie to me. You wouldn’t take me for such a fool as to come to me with such an outlandish claim, if it were a lie. I will support you before the high priest in due time. But first, Joseph, do you have some spare time this afternoon?” Mary’s father spoke at last.
“Yes sir, I have time all afternoon, all my carpentry is finished for the day,” replied Joseph.
“Good, because I would like to have you do something with Mary and I, just to confirm your story.”
“Anything sir, what can I do?”
“My friend is a doctor and he recently was bragging about a new procedure he can do.”
“A procedure, of what kind?”
“It’s called… a paternity test.”
Epilogue
The paternity test results of course showed that the baby (boy) was, in fact, the biological child of Mary and Joseph. While Joseph lived his life with almost no repercussions, Mary was stoned to death publicly immediately followed the birth of Jesus, which occurred in a prison cell, because she wasn't allowed to travel in order to take part in the census, for fear the unwholesome woman would never return to Nazareth. Jesus received, a warm wool blanket and was given to Mary's father as an adopted child. Friends of the family (including some pretty unwise men) gave copper, salt, and ceramic. Jesus then grew up at the bottom of society since all his peers parents remembered the circumstances under which he was conceived. At the age of twelve, young Jesus was actually thrown out of the Temple for making up fantastic interpretations of scripture (purely a cry for attention). Jesus became a carpenter like his father, never left Nazareth, and died in obscurity at age 78.
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