5. Gregory M.

“Say six Rosaries and your sins will be forgiven for your earnest repentance.”

“Thank you, Father.”

Nice weather out here. Better than that musty cardboard box of a church, at least.

Reconciliation was a joke. Why do I keep going? Earning my way into heaven one month’s sins at a time… I guess I feel a little better now. At least somebody knows I’m not perfect. Shut up. Everybody knows you’re not perfect.

Just get home, have some lunch. Damn last night’s chicken will be good. Hope Father forgets about that confession… It’s not that I hate hobos, it’s just they don’t seem—

“That’s the passphrase!”

“HOLY CRAP WHAT”

“Relax, my friend, you’ve simply revealed the passphrase. You are now enlightened.”

“Where the hell did you come from? What the—?”

“Dude, seriously, cool your body. You said the passphrase: that thing about hobos. You get three wishes.”

“What do hobos have to do with this?”

“Never mind that, just hurry up and give me your wishes.”
“Uhhh…. Okay… Um, I wish I had a million dollars. Original huh?”

“Okay. Done. It’s at your apartment. Next?”

“Ummm…” Think big. Bigger. Yes!

“I wish God existed.”

“Can’t do that. Contradiction.”

“What do you mean contradiction? Make him exist if he doesn’t, don’t if he already does.”

“What kind of God?”

“You know, an all-knowing and benevolent creator. He’s been around forever and will always be around. The guy I just confessed for, for Christ’s sake.” I wish this freak would get out of my way.

“Can’t make a God—not in the sense that you’re thinking. A transcendental, omnipotent, omniscient liege of the universe? No. I want to keep my job.”

“Fine, I wish you were an unscrupulous wish-granter.”

“F--k you.”

“I wish God exists.”

Alex did not remain extant long enough to see the universe collapse into an infinitesimal non-contradiction singularity which called itself ‘God.’