• -ELEKTRA RECORDS- •
Dear Jesse,
We are sincerely sorry that you did not enjoy our latest album, Feels Like Forever. The precision and relevancy of your complaints demonstrate a thorough understanding of our role as artists, and they accurately reflect the struggles we were having with the songwriting and recording process. Your condescension towards our decision to “sell out” was especially resonant. Selling out was a move much debated amongst the band, and we were still divided on its merits when we made the decision. We were surprised to find how badly it could turn out. Gil has discovered that he cannot write good songs ever since we signed the contract with Elektra Records. He has gone so far as to write and play only with his left hand in an attempt to alleviate the curse (he signed the contract with his right hand), but to no avail. Patrick (he’s our guitarist) can only play barre chords now, essentially eliminating the melodically inventive guitar lines that used to be his strength. Nicolas (our drummer, not our bassist as you mistakenly claimed) woke up unable to play in any time signature but 4/4. Kevin (actual bassist) forgot all the basslines from our first two albums, preventing us from playing any of our older material at our shows. We have no direct explanation for these musical failings; their only connection is that they immediately followed the signing of our contract. We wonder if the gods of art are punishing us for our trespasses against independent music. Feels Like Forever was the best we could do with our array of diminished talents, the most worthy statement we could muster in the wake of our selling out. It is not a record we are proud of. We hoped that it might bring joy to the more understanding of our fans and perhaps to a few members of the mainstream audience as well. We are sorry that it caused you the pain that it did. Thank you for your time, and please continue to enjoy our older records.
Sincerely,
Skinny Jeans (Gil, Pat, Kevin, and Nic)
• -ELEKTRA RECORDS- •
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